Tuesday, 21 March 2017

My  Story  on  Psychosis
Family History
Father:  Born in 1899 he was brought up on a dairy farm but hated it. Joined the army to escape his life of drudgery  and fought at “the Somme” in France.  Like everyone there he suffered badly.  He came home  to Australia and started a family (which I only found out recently). He  eventually found my mother and had 4 children.
Mother: born in 1928 and  ‘eloped’ with my father.  Became a widow at age 35. She  brought up us 4 children by herself.

My schooling
I did very well academically at school  up to the age 18. I did suffer from an anxiety ‘disorder’ which caused me to withdraw from school if there were any sudden changes. I think it drove me to do well at school. Come the time to face tertiary education I failed and dropped out.  I felt I was ‘burnt out’. That was the end of my schooling.
I did menial work . Eventually worked for my brother in a couple of his failing businesses.  I moved to live with my mother and did more menial work. I do menial work to this day.
Psychosis onset
Started around 1982.  Weed psychosis. Self diagnosed as ‘schizophrenia’ many years later.  Self diagnosed as  ‘psychosis’ after that.- as the cause of schizophrenia.  And after that officially diagnosed by a professional  as ‘chronic psychosis’  I felt myself to be perfect spiritually and physically (from a visual aspect),   

Who am I in relationship to psychosis right now
I am ‘in the process of’ recognizing  how the principle of  ‘things are in reverse’ is demonstrated within psychosis.  That is,  how the fantasy the ego presents as a self image,  is not just unrelated to reality,  but is the opposite of reality – and that is kind of hard to take.
This is why  any such perceptions of my self related to  ‘magnificence’ has its basis in reality as ‘narcissism’.  Or  to use the good old common term  ‘asshole’- as i’ve mentioned before. However I have changed  that self definition to  ‘creep’, not due to  ‘second guessing’,  but simply  ‘fine tuning’, and an improved ability to see physical self-reality  (is that introspection? – i don’t know)
So I can now strike ‘psychosis’ out of my vocabulary.

What do I want to change and why
I want to change my habitual excessive eating,sleeping and entertainments because they are time consuming and distracting and bad for the body

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